Wednesday, January 27, 2010

the awesome mystery of the black hole

[Narrator] Astronomers have held a profound fascination with the enigma of the black hole since Einstein's theories first predicted their existence early in the last century. Nancy is an expert on astronomers:

[Nancy] Astronomers really can not get enough when it comes to black holes. I mean, of all the heavenly shit in the universe, this really is the main thing you can't get them to shut up about.

[Astronomer] They are amazing, and are actually more accurately described by these terms we tend to throw around like "awesome" ... "incredible" ... "immense" ... "fucking sweet" than most things we usually describe with these terms.

[Nancy] Do you see what I mean?

[Astronomer] Take this sandwich, for instance. This bread is made out of wheat, which grows by collecting electromagnetic radiation emitted in the form of visible light by the sun, which was just one of billions of stars that were created in the immense explosion from the formation of the super massive black hole at the center of our galaxy! A black hole made our lunch!

[Nancy] Now, come on. I mean, that is ... I mean that is pretty .. mind-blowing or whatever. But I just think I should get some credit for making your sandwiches.

[Astronomer] Awwww Mommmm!

[Narrator] Narrators know what Nancy means. Astronomers are always black holes this and black holes that. One time, a narrator was just trying to say that Event Horizon was a pretty cool movie--

[Astronomer] --it was ridiculous!

[Narrator] It was great, and I am the Narrator. Astronomers have to shut up now because this is my show. I get to talk. When you shut up, I get to say what you meant. So, viewers, astronomers all agree that Event Horizon was totally great and sweet and cool.

[Astronomer]  Whatever. That movie got everything wrong.

[Narrator] We may never unravel all the mysteries of the black holes dotted across our universe, but we can be sure that they are all dorks. And that's our show.

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