Friday, March 26, 2010

major lazer!!! rusko!! sleigh bells! mad decent sound!

i was looking for a place that had links to major lazer, rusko, and sleigh bells so i could try to tell my friends (you guys) about this tour, and specifically about the baltimore stop. these guys are coming to bmore on wednesday night. this is going to be awesome. L☺☺K:

make sure you are paying attention for the last three seconds of this one:

Major Lazer Tour Visuals from Pomp&Clout on Vimeo.

"whoa," i said.

Rusko - Woo Boost from Pomp&Clout on Vimeo.

infinity guitars something something, yeah:

Sleigh Bells: Infinity Guitars from Amplified on Vimeo.

bonus lazers for all you Beyonce fans:


Q: "because like duh man where is it you havent even said that yet"

A: OH YEAH, go here: mad deets regarding cool show and also regarding getting tickets

Thursday, March 25, 2010

top three things you guys just eat up

3. top three lists

2. top five lists

1. top ten lists

you have probably noticed that i formatted this article in the least favorite format in the list. i just couldn't bring myself to target such a boring trend. the internet is full of blogs offering the top five this and the top ten that! hear that, all blogs? you are wearing it out. the magic number is where it's at.

(speaking of taking advantage of easy trends, just put Oprah in your post for some free hits. like this: Oprah Winfrey. Oprah.)

Friday, March 19, 2010

angry letter from notes café

oh boy, here we go.

"Dear Notes from Right Here,
I take issue with the review of my restaurant that you recently posted on your blog spot (or whatever). FIRST OF ALL, the four star scale goes from ONE to four, meaning that the lowest score is ONE, not zero. Where did you learn to be a café critic? I'm not even going to make up a stupid café college and assume that you went to it. I'm not going to do that for you.
There are good things about Notes Café! For instance, our ingredients are mostly organic (Whole Foods is way closer than Safeway), but you didn't see fit to mention anything nice. I don't know why you thought our menu was FUNNY. You are a small minded person. Why don't you just eat somewhere else?
P.S. I eat there every day and I am FINE and not buzzed on rotted pearsPPS IS that even possible??!!"

can you believe that guy? i was just kidding around. i will be in there for lunch so i guess then we'll talk this out. by the way .. does he seem a little drunk to you? i think there is something wrong with those pears.

does this look right?

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I just heard the most awful news

mercury is in there somewhere
as a loyal oprah fan, you probably already know that the venn diagram that shows all my readers and all of oprah's viewers is a little dot completely inside a much larger circle. it looks like a nasa photo of mercury passing in front of the sun. anyway, all you oprah heads probably already know this, but in case you missed the news:
oprah is retiring

of course, i couldn't find a picture of her frowning, 
so i turned her beautiful smile upside down
in just two short years' time we will have to say: "oprah (the tv show) is dead, long live oprah (the legend)."

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Restaurant Review: My Kitchen

0 stars
i have a little bit of a buzz from the partly rancid pear i just ate and that is the ONLY thing liked about this place. crunchy peanut butter on hearty wasa crispbread is a terrible entree. that's a savory cracker, and spreading crunchy peanut butter over its rough surface is a chore. bad decision, guys. we can do better than this. well, let's have a look at the drink menu, then: tap water, tea, or beer. that's actually not a bad selection, and i'll take one of each please, garcon.

for dessert, may i recommend the oatmeal with tap water? it is served room temperature, and if you are lucky i might still have some dried currants or cranberries to jazz it up. in the spirit of jazz, i will now name these delights:

The Notes Cafe 
"Friends gather here"

Appetizers There's an "app'" for that
Practice on a Peach
This delicious appetizer consists entirely of one Bosc pear. It is prepared by ignoring it for several weeks until it gets that perfect tangy flavor and alcohol content. $0

Entrees Entrez-vous for tastes that will make you say "ooh la la"
The Nutty Swede
Crunchy peanut butter on hearty Swedish Wasa crispbread. A delicious treat that is honestly a little hard to eat. Please clean up your own crumbs. $0
Buttery Rice
This rice is enhanced by delicious butter. There might also be some spices or chili powder or whatever to put on it. Oh, and maybe we have beans?* $0
Thai Surprise
Where your server runs to Talay Thai real quick and grabs something. $20

* Please allow an additional hour for the preparation of meals containing rice, and ten hours (overnight soak+2 hours cooking) for meals containing beans.

Soups They're souper, thanks for asking.
What Broth Doth
Your choice of veggie or beef broth. Delicious. $0
Egg Drop Soup
We will drop an egg in the aforementioned broth and swirl it around. Neat. $0

Desserts Sweeten the Deal
It's not Breakfast if you eat it after Dinner
An oatmeal based dessert with oatmeal, water, and dried currants and cranberries.** $0

** Nota bene: It really is better if you eat it before it gets mushy. Yes, I was taught how to "properly" make oatmeal. No, I don't know what is wrong with me.

Drinks moisten your evening
Tap Water
Guaranteed potable by the City of Baltimore $0
Black, Green, Mint, Red (rooibos), or any combination of these. $0
Rotating selection. Currently serving Budweiser and Lucky Kat. $0 but i mean if you brought some with you next time it would be cool. i mean you don't have to. but you know.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

it's like i'm finally and completely giving a shit now

"brand new day", the new hit single from the fkers:

(picture unrelated)

wow ee wow it's a brand new day
 it's like i'm finally and completely giving a shit now!
even though not everything's going my way
 it's like i'm finally and completely giving a shit now!

whoa yeah i got a lot on my mind
and life has been just a little unkind
but ya strap on your boots
and you make your way
out into the world on this brand new day!

now now now, way way way way weigh
 it's like i'm finally and completely giving a shit now!

(break - 8 measures)

and i've sung about what a gypsy said
but you can't let a gypsy get in your head
you gotta be your own guy
and do your own thing
and hit those gypsies where it stings!

wow ee wow it's a brand new day
 it's like i'm finally and completely giving a shit now!
even though not everything's going my way
 it's like i'm finally and completely giving a shit now!

i know that you can give a shit
and there's nothing particularly wrong with it
if you've been taking shit
or making shit
'tis better to give so start giving it

it's like im finally ...
completely ...
giviiiiiiiiiiiiiin' ...
a shit

GOODNIGHT, BALTIMORE! it's been a great show! we're the fkers see ya round!

holy crap you guys where have you been?

i haven't seen you in weeks. where have you been? i'm tired of goofing around and now i'm going to totally post useful things on here. it's like i'm finally and completely giving a shit now! coming right up, a useful restaurant review for your gustatory edification.

from right here