nfrh accident report, brought to you by ACCIDENT BEAR

this a special report from ACCIDENT BEAR!!!

LOOK OUT!!!! or the next accident could be yours. please take a seat and take a moment to mind any slippery liquids, flammable items, or sharp objects that might be located nearby. i don't want anybody to get hurt. EVER!

OK, here is the accident report from a reliable source (ABC):

i couldn't watch it! what happened?! these documented accidents are just a small sample of what can happen if you aren't careful. millions upon millions of wild animals are killed each year on America's roads, so i wear a traffic cone on my head! GO AROUND! oh my god. what are you doing to keep safe? how are you still alive?!

stealing traffic cones is illegal, so it can get you into trouble, which is dangerous! i'm just a bear! you can't arrest a bear! people: don't steal. animals: do what you need to do. are you in a car? WATCH OUT! there could be an animal or a person or a person dressed up as an animal or ANYTHING on the road! there won't be an animal dressed as a person! that almost never happens!!

until next time, "OH MY GOD PLEASE BE SAFE."