nfrh accident report, brought to you by ACCIDENT BEAR

this a special report from ACCIDENT BEAR!!!

LOOK OUT!!!! or the next accident could be yours. please take a seat and take a moment to mind any slippery liquids, flammable items, or sharp objects that might be located nearby. i don't want anybody to get hurt. EVER!

OK, here is the accident report from a reliable source (ABC):

i couldn't watch it! what happened?! these documented accidents are just a small sample of what can happen if you aren't careful. millions upon millions of wild animals are killed each year on America's roads, so i wear a traffic cone on my head! GO AROUND! oh my god. what are you doing to keep safe? how are you still alive?!

stealing traffic cones is illegal, so it can get you into trouble, which is dangerous! i'm just a bear! you can't arrest a bear! people: don't steal. animals: do what you need to do. are you in a car? WATCH OUT! there could be an animal or a person or a person dressed up as an animal or ANYTHING on the road! there won't be an animal dressed as a person! that almost never happens!!

until next time, "OH MY GOD PLEASE BE SAFE."

BUSY BUSY BUSY

GUYS, i have been so busy. "what have you been doing?" oh, nice of you to ask. things are warming up here so life in general is thawing out a bit. there is more to do and more to see. but! this is only a small part of my business (busy-ness?). i have been working on From America With Love. this deserves a new paragraph.

From America With Love is an awesome project started by some of my friends in Gainesville. the goal is to connect people who need stuff in Haiti, with people who have stuff in America or elsewhere. Haiti is still in dire need of a lot of stuff after that earthquake literally and figuratively rocked the country. we have a database that is soon to fill up with a ton of data about needs and offers for Haiti.

SO, if you know anyone who has aid to give to Haiti, or know of any group within Haiti that needs help, let me know so we can get them involved. this is a fully baked project. we are serious guys with serious donations and serious blessings from the Haitian prime minister and other government officials. we are the real deal!

i know only a few people read this thing, so spread the word! i don't have a great link to share, we are still getting things ramped up, but the database is up and ready so i can personally help people get their offers or needs in the system. there will be more news on this as it develops. reach out to me at tgolsen@gmail.com.

major lazer!!! rusko!! sleigh bells! mad decent sound!

i was looking for a place that had links to major lazer, rusko, and sleigh bells so i could try to tell my friends (you guys) about this tour, and specifically about the baltimore stop. these guys are coming to bmore on wednesday night. this is going to be awesome. L☺☺K:


make sure you are paying attention for the last three seconds of this one:

Major Lazer Tour Visuals from Pomp&Clout on Vimeo.

"whoa," i said.

Rusko - Woo Boost from Pomp&Clout on Vimeo.

infinity guitars something something, yeah:

Sleigh Bells: Infinity Guitars from Amplified on Vimeo.

bonus lazers for all you Beyonce fans:


NOW WHY WOULDN'T YOU GO TO THIS SHOW?

Edit:
Q: "because like duh man where is it you havent even said that yet"

A: OH YEAH, go here: mad deets regarding cool show and also regarding getting tickets

top three things you guys just eat up

3. top three lists

2. top five lists

1. top ten lists

you have probably noticed that i formatted this article in the least favorite format in the list. i just couldn't bring myself to target such a boring trend. the internet is full of blogs offering the top five this and the top ten that! hear that, all blogs? you are wearing it out. the magic number is where it's at.

(speaking of taking advantage of easy trends, just put Oprah in your post for some free hits. like this: Oprah Winfrey. Oprah.)

angry letter from notes café

oh boy, here we go.

"Dear Notes from Right Here,
I take issue with the review of my restaurant that you recently posted on your blog spot (or whatever). FIRST OF ALL, the four star scale goes from ONE to four, meaning that the lowest score is ONE, not zero. Where did you learn to be a café critic? I'm not even going to make up a stupid café college and assume that you went to it. I'm not going to do that for you.
There are good things about Notes Café! For instance, our ingredients are mostly organic (Whole Foods is way closer than Safeway), but you didn't see fit to mention anything nice. I don't know why you thought our menu was FUNNY. You are a small minded person. Why don't you just eat somewhere else?
Love,
Ted
P.S. I eat there every day and I am FINE and not buzzed on rotted pearsPPS IS that even possible??!!"

can you believe that guy? i was just kidding around. i will be in there for lunch so i guess then we'll talk this out. by the way .. does he seem a little drunk to you? i think there is something wrong with those pears.

does this look right?

I just heard the most awful news

mercury is in there somewhere

as a loyal oprah fan, you probably already know that the venn diagram that shows all my readers and all of oprah's viewers is a little dot completely inside a much larger circle. it looks like a nasa photo of mercury passing in front of the sun. anyway, all you oprah heads probably already know this, but in case you missed the news:

oprah is retiring

of course, i couldn't find a picture of her frowning, 
so i turned her beautiful smile upside down

in just two short years' time we will have to say: "oprah (the tv show) is dead, long live oprah (the legend)."

Restaurant Review: My Kitchen

0 stars
i have a little bit of a buzz from the partly rancid pear i just ate and that is the ONLY thing liked about this place. crunchy peanut butter on hearty wasa crispbread is a terrible entree. that's a savory cracker, and spreading crunchy peanut butter over its rough surface is a chore. bad decision, guys. we can do better than this. well, let's have a look at the drink menu, then: tap water, tea, or beer. that's actually not a bad selection, and i'll take one of each please, garcon.

for dessert, may i recommend the oatmeal with tap water? it is served room temperature, and if you are lucky i might still have some dried currants or cranberries to jazz it up. in the spirit of jazz, i will now name these delights:


The Notes Cafe 
"Friends gather here"

Appetizers There's an "app'" for that
Practice on a Peach
This delicious appetizer consists entirely of one Bosc pear. It is prepared by ignoring it for several weeks until it gets that perfect tangy flavor and alcohol content. $0

Entrees Entrez-vous for tastes that will make you say "ooh la la"
The Nutty Swede
Crunchy peanut butter on hearty Swedish Wasa crispbread. A delicious treat that is honestly a little hard to eat. Please clean up your own crumbs. $0
Buttery Rice
This rice is enhanced by delicious butter. There might also be some spices or chili powder or whatever to put on it. Oh, and maybe we have beans?* $0
Thai Surprise
Where your server runs to Talay Thai real quick and grabs something. $20

* Please allow an additional hour for the preparation of meals containing rice, and ten hours (overnight soak+2 hours cooking) for meals containing beans.

Soups They're souper, thanks for asking.
What Broth Doth
Your choice of veggie or beef broth. Delicious. $0
Egg Drop Soup
We will drop an egg in the aforementioned broth and swirl it around. Neat. $0

Desserts Sweeten the Deal
It's not Breakfast if you eat it after Dinner
An oatmeal based dessert with oatmeal, water, and dried currants and cranberries.** $0

** Nota bene: It really is better if you eat it before it gets mushy. Yes, I was taught how to "properly" make oatmeal. No, I don't know what is wrong with me.

Drinks moisten your evening
Tap Water
Guaranteed potable by the City of Baltimore $0
Tea
Black, Green, Mint, Red (rooibos), or any combination of these. $0
Beer
Rotating selection. Currently serving Budweiser and Lucky Kat. $0 but i mean if you brought some with you next time it would be cool. i mean you don't have to. but you know.