booger city

this is the first episode of a short series called "booger city." it is made by computers!! (i helped)

by the end, the letter g will not look the same

ground gainers gain ground
ground gainers
ground gainers
ground gainers
ground gainers
ground gainers

ground grabbers grab ground
ground grabbers
ground grabbers
ground grabbers
ground grabbers
ground grabbers

ground grabbers grab ground ground gainers gained. gained ground grows green grain. grain grinders grind grabbed ground grown grain. good green grain goes, ground gainers gain ground. ground grabbers grab ground ground gainers gained.

good god.

DORK-o-TRON ACTIVATE

i am thinking of starting a computer repair business called dork-o-tron. here's our ad:



ad with audio after the jump:

10 unique visitors party!

MILESTONE REACHED! i hit ten unique visitors today! as a special thank you, i cordially invite all 10 of you to my 10 unique visitors party this friday night on H street in capitol hill, washington, dc!
a few quick clarifications to prevent the flood of comments that are sure to pour in since this blog is so popular now:

1) no, i'm not rich yet! i've still got a long way to fame and fortune!
2) no, i'm not really 100% sure i have ten unique visitors. it's based on a cookie. so boost my numbers (ego) and clear your cookies between visits!
3) yes, i am repurposing someone else's party! come on guys, what was i really going to do? fly you in or throw a party by myself?!
4) yes, exclamation marks do make things more exciting!

due to a lack of richness, i will be
robbing an atm to pay for drinks

notesfromrighthere gives back: i'd like to say thank you to all the fans who made this minor victory possible. mention this blog post for one free drink on me.*

* cash value of this blog post 1/20th of one cent. terms and conditions may apply.

the awesome mystery of the black hole

[Narrator] Astronomers have held a profound fascination with the enigma of the black hole since Einstein's theories first predicted their existence early in the last century. Nancy is an expert on astronomers:

[Nancy] Astronomers really can not get enough when it comes to black holes. I mean, of all the heavenly shit in the universe, this really is the main thing you can't get them to shut up about.

[Astronomer] They are amazing, and are actually more accurately described by these terms we tend to throw around like "awesome" ... "incredible" ... "immense" ... "fucking sweet" than most things we usually describe with these terms.

[Nancy] Do you see what I mean?

[Astronomer] Take this sandwich, for instance. This bread is made out of wheat, which grows by collecting electromagnetic radiation emitted in the form of visible light by the sun, which was just one of billions of stars that were created in the immense explosion from the formation of the super massive black hole at the center of our galaxy! A black hole made our lunch!

[Nancy] Now, come on. I mean, that is ... I mean that is pretty .. mind-blowing or whatever. But I just think I should get some credit for making your sandwiches.

[Astronomer] Awwww Mommmm!

on the mountain i had time to ponder

skulls of modern man and the
midlothian monster (a great ape)

in the beginning, the big bang exploded out of the thunderclap of two parallel universes slapping against each other (presumably sexually). over great eons, baby universe matured (sexually) and gave birth to life. scandalously, we still do not know for sure who the father is, but zeus, allah, some egyptian gods, and even capital-G God have all been named as suspects by various folks. i think the universe is just blowing smoke up our relatively tiny asses. i mean, "i don't know who your dad is but i am sure that he is a GOD" sounds pretty fishy to me.

humans developed accidentally when a poor deformed great ape was born without jaw muscles larger than modern human thighs. imagine that. this poor crippled ape had to learn how to find soft mushy foods while his disappointed parents were chomping on bones and trees (i guess?). his babies had to be smart, and lucky for them their heads no longer had the burden of supporting monkey strength so they had the skull room for some grey matter.

then yadda yadda yadda, and here we are. and that is the story of how my blog got started!

i have been to the mountain top

this past weekend i went on a journey to the mountain and back, and i learned some things. first, in a town called Accident, you may encounter accident bear. you've all heard of smokey bear, but what about accident bear? auto accidents kill [look up this number] people and [look up this number] bears every single year. we all know that already. but what bear will speak up and really make us want to pay attention to boring stuff like where bears are when we are driving? accident bear, that's who.

one more helpful poster next: